Zoo...Well, sort of.

We went to this cool animal rescue type zoo just outside of Spokane last week.  It's called CatTales.  All the animals are of the cat family and you get pretty close to them.  We had been talking about going all week and practiced our lion growls and tiger roars.  We wanted Lilly to be prepared and excited.  Well, she was more than excited!  She talked about going the whole week and finally when we got there, she ran up to the first tiger cage and the two tigers were playing and one of them growled at the other pretty loudly.  It was amazing!  And Lilly stood there like her mind was blown!  She was really overwhelmed and we ended up being one of those people with a screaming child that wouldn't leave because we wanted to get our moneys worth.  haha!

Lilly pretty much calmed down once we got back to the car and then started talking about the animals again and wanted to see them.  Maybe in the Fall we'll try it again little one.  :)

 

She's extremely overwhelmed here.  It was almost too much to handle seeing all these lions and tigers we had been talking about all week.

After the zoo, we went for a drive (and by drive, I mean we got sort of lost for awhile and just drove until the gravel road turned to pavement again) around Mount Spokane and then to this little diner that's in a train car for dinner.  It was so cool inside and the food was yummy!  We haven't really gotten out much in the past 11 months since we've been here, but we figured that since Brandon starts his job, we should probably get out and have a fun day.  These were both fun places we will definitely return to again!

Easter 2013

We had Easter!  It was so much fun!  Lilly got all dressed up, one of her favorite things to do.  She loves twirling and saying "I'm sooooo pretty!  Soooo beautiful!"  For instance, she's sitting next to me as I write this and looking at her pictures saying, "Cute little dress."  

Before church she opened up a few Easter things that family had sent and the "Easter Bunny" had left.  We went to church and then when we got home Lilly took a nap and the Easter Bunny hid a bunch of eggs.  She was so excited when she got up and promptly opened each egg and ate the candy inside.  :)

 Before Easter, I was suffering from some allergies, but still wanted to keep traditions alive and we made some sugar cookies and then delivered them to a couple friends.  The second Lilly had gotten out of her bath, she grabbed a chair and climbed on the counter.  She was clean for almost 30 seconds!!!

We also enjoyed listening to all the Apostles and the Prophet speak during General Conference.  Lilly did fairly well, when the Prophet went to speak she sat in the chair for most of it and would point and say "Prophet" over and over again.  We truly are blessed to live in a time when we can listen to the Prophet on our computers, television, phones, etc. 

And of course, Lilly has about 5 phones (none of which work) that she is always calling Grandpa & Grandpa (she doesn't quite know how to say grandMA yet, so she just calls them both Grandpa) in Russia.  She'll be babbling away and tell us she's called Grandpa.  Only roughly 16 months until we get to see them again.  Still can't believe they've been gone like 8 months.  We are so proud of them and we were worried Lilly wouldn't know them, but we Skype at least once a week and it's really helped...Lilly...not miss them so much.  Yup, it's all Lilly.  :)

 

 

Blessings in Disguise

When I work out and see the pregnant ladies come in and work to stay healthy and the women that have just had a baby and listen to them complain about the 5 extra pounds they have left to lose.  I get jealous, I get angry, I get hurt.  I would give anything to be one of those women.  Worrying about a few pounds gained.  Tired of being 9 months pregnant.  I know this isn't all of them.  I know not everyone feels that way.  I recently had a pregnant women just tell me how lucky I am, how annoying it is to be pregnant, how I should just be grateful.

My initial response is always the same, 'thank you' as I chuckle and act like its no big deal.  But it is.  I then sit and think about her response and my struggle begins.  I think about how I yearn to feel a baby inside me.  I hear how breast feeding is not always so great, but that was the hardest thing I had to deal with when adopting Lilly.  I worried about not being able to bond or feel a connection to my child.  I get angry when people complain about being pregnant.  Shouldn't they be grateful?

Then I realize, again, that shouldn't I be grateful?  And I am.  I have a beautiful daughter that loves me and her daddy.  I am thankful that I get to hold her each night.  I am grateful for the vivacious, sweet, stubborn, hilarious, and caring child I was blessed with.  I am thankful her birthfather and birthmother trusted us to raise our daughter.  I say 'our' because she is ours.  We are all four here to love her and teach her.  We may not be able to see her birthparents very much, but they are always with us.  I am thankful Heavenly Father gave us all the struggles and trials he has given us.  I worried that Lilly would be nothing like us, but she looks just like Brandon and acts just like me.  She's a hilariously, beautifully crazy little girl.  I pray we are blessed soon with more children, but if not, we are beyond blessed.  My ache is still there and I still hurt.  I still dream about having more children and I still pray we are able to.  

But my prayers have changed over the years.  I no longer as why me, but thank Heavenly Father that it was me.  My heart breaks when a friend shares their struggles with infertility.  I have a million words that mean nothing, because the only thing we want, any of us want, is peace.

I have my struggles, I worry all the time, and I think I will always be envious of the miracle some women are able to bring into this world, but there is another plan for us.  I have several friends who struggle with infertility and I have been there; but know that you are not alone.  I always thought I was the only one, but you're not.  I wish I could go back and realize that, but better late than never.  And now I can be the listening ear for those that need it.

I think back to what people have said to us on the past and I don't fault them.  I fault myself. I am grateful for our infertility.  I am grateful I was given this struggle; it used to be a burden, but I now realize it is a blessing.  Most of the time, our struggles and trials are blessings in disguise.